I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just found puke in my bra..
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You are the jesus of drinking
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
