may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
