My nipple is on Facebook.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
