I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
