I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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