my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
