and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
