is your mom at the bar?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
