Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
