An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
