So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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