Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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