i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
