chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize