well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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