i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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