You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
