Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
