Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
