Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
