It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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