He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
