Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
