walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
