bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just want nice things and good sex
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
