Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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