I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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