it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
