So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
