booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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