mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
