so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
