He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
