My balls are so social today.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
