he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
