Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
