Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
