And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
