....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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