My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
