love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize