Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so that wasnt chicken after all
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
