i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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