is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
two words...techno handjob
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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