I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
