Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
