i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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