Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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