People in love make me want to vomit
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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