she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
