She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
