I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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