lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
