he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
