i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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