How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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