I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize