respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The air taste purple.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
