i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
