Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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