3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Operation Purity has been aborted
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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