her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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