i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
