I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
no, he came in my armpit
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize