Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
