I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize