New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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