A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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