she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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