I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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