I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize