what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Randomize
