I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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