sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
