he told me I talked like a deaf person
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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