I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
