Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We need to rekindle our bromance
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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