My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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