I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
