he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
