that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
