who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
