so explain again why im purple
no
Moan for me like Helen Keller
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
