he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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