so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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