Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize