ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize