My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
