Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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