Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
