I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
