yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
