Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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