Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize