I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
