either way he was missing a nipple.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
