i already hear my dad disowning me
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
