I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
