The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
