This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i used baking grease as lip gloss
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
