The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
there is glitter all over my balls
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize