I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
